Can I love you? Is this okay? KakaIru love story
by Hatake Yuko
Summary: Kakashi is having feelings for Iruka, a man. He is in doubt if he should approach Iruka and let his body move on its own and show Iruka how he feel about him, or if he should deny his feelings for Iruka, 'cause it's wrong for two men to be together. Isn't it? Can Kakashi overcome his fear of his own feelings for another man? Or will he take distance? (Collab with a friend on QV)
1. Chapter 1: What is happening?

**Chapter 1: What is happening?**

Iruka sighed lightly. He just returned from a long mission and his entire body was rather achy and he did not really like it. He just wanted to get home and get some rest as soon as possible. He had been on the mission by himself so it took a toll on him. He once again sighed as he headed home, rubbing the back of his head. "This sucks…" He mumbled lightly.

He soon arrived at home and walked inside his apartment. He cleaned up and everything but soon realized he had no food. "Damn…" He sighed, getting a bit upset again and walking out of his home one more time to get food. He walked towards a grocery store and wondered what on earth he should make for himself. He thought of making ramen but then he decided not to. Instead he walked inside the store and looked around.

Kakashi walked around in the streets of Konoha, reading his usual favorite book: Icha Icha. He had just turned in a report from his mission, so now he was just killing time with some reading, but also at the same time thinking of what to eat for dinner. Miso soup? Onigiri? A steak? He was not quite sure. He put his book in his pocket and walked inside a grocery store.

He grabbed a basket and looked at what the store had that he wanted to eat for dinner today, though he had not yet found something he wanted and sighed. "How can it be so difficult to figure out what to eat?" He asked himself and just wandered around the store. He was in his own thoughts when he suddenly bumped into someone and dropped the basket, including some house hold things he had in the basket, like toilet paper, soap and that stuff. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see where I was going." He said and looked at who he had bumped into. His eyes widened just slightly, feeling his heart pound a little faster. In front of him stood a man he had not seen for a long time, also because he had tried to keep a distance to him. The brown hair that was pulled in a ponytail, the dark eyes and the scar that ran across his nose. Something about this man made Kakashi feel weird.

Iruka frowned lightly as he looked around, he could hardly find anything and it annoyed him so much because he was so tired and he did not want to have to deal with these little things, such as figuring out what to actually buy to eat later on. He sighed and turned around a little bit but he turned too slowly and someone had bumped into him. He closed his eyes, thinking there was going to be some sort of big impact but when he did not feel it.

He opened his eyes and shook his head. "It's okay..." He looked at the person who bumped into him and once he realized it was the masked ninja, the copy cat ninja, his heart began to beat much faster. "O-Oh." He did not know what to say, because he suddenly felt so nervous. "Kakashi I didn't see you..." He said awkwardly.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "It's fine. It was me who wasn't looking where I was walking." He said and picked up his basket and his things. "So… How have you been?" He asked, trying to avoid an awkward atmosphere.

Iruka shook his head. "No it's okay.." He said and felt really awkward. He could not believe that his worst nightmare was coming to life. "I've been fine… I was just coming back from a mission and I needed to get food... What about you?"

"I've been fine as well..." Kakashi said and looked at Iruka. "Do you know what to eat for dinner?" He asked, but quickly wondered why he even asked that question. He was not even supposed to be talking to Iruka. There was a reason why he had been avoiding the chunin for almost three months now.

Iruka was wondering why Kakashi was even bothering to keep a conversation up with him. "I'm not really sure yet." He said and he wondered why Kakashi had avoided him for three months now. It was slightly painful, mainly because he felt like he had done something wrong and as if he drove Kakashi away from himself, but he did not want to think of it.

"I see. Having the same problem as I do?" Kakashi asked and looked at some meat, wondering if he should pick beef or pork. _"What's happening to me? Why do I talk to him? I'm not supposed to."_ He thought to himself.

Iruka nodded lightly. "I guess so." He said and he picked up some beef, being not too fond of pork himself, he just preferred beef as all. He put the beef in his basket trying to not feel awkward.

Kakashi sighed inwardly and just picked some chicken, since he could not decide between pork and beef. "I see..." He was starting to feel awkward, not really knowing what to say or what to do at the moment.

Iruka nodded and bit his lip lightly as he picked up some other ingredients, hoping he could just make something healthy for himself for dinner. "I think I'm going to go pay now.." He said softly and began to walk away.

Kakashi watched Iruka leave. "Iruka, wait-..." He cut himself off midsentence. _"What am I doing? He was just about to leave and I had to speak up like that? Idiot!"_ He thought to himself and beat himself mentally.

Iruka heard Kakashi say something and he wanted to continue walking, but he stopped for barely a second. He looked towards Kakashi. "What's wrong? Is there anything you need to speak to me about?"

Kakashi opened his mouth to say something, to apologize, but no words left his mouth. _"Damn it!"_ He thought to himself and shook his head. "No. I was just going to say that it was good to see you again." He said and pulled a faint smile on his lips behind his mask.

Iruka wondered what was wrong with Kakashi because he seemed to be acting a little strange at the moment. "Oh okay... It's good to see you again as well. I'll speak to later on then... Right?" He asked a bit shyly, like his usual self really.

Kakashi looked at Iruka and nodded. "Yeah, sure. Sounds good." He said and rubbed the back of his head. He had just ruined everything.

Iruka nodded lightly. "Okay… Erm, see you later…" He said and looked down before he started to walk away again to pay for his things.

"Yeah… See you later." Kakashi said and clenched his fists once Iruka was not looking at him any longer. "Damn it!" He mumbled very low to himself. He just quickly grabbed a few vegetables and walked around in the store, waiting to pay for his things until Iruka had left, so they would not have to stand in line together and make things more awkward.

Iruka could not bear facing Kakashi anymore. He did not know why, but he just could not do it anymore. He paid for his things and walked out of the store feeling rather strange. What was this feeling? "No… Stop you can't be like this... Stop thinking like that…" He whispered lightly to himself as he walked towards his apartment rather upset for some reason.

Kakashi looked at Iruka as he left the store. Now he could pay for his things and go home. He stood in line, paid for his groceries as it was his turn, put the groceries in a paper bag and left the store, heading home. He could not help but feel upset, sad and angry with himself because of what happened in the store.

Iruka bit his lip lightly and walked to his apartment. _*Great... He probably thinks I'm an idiot or something." _Iruka sighed frustrated and rushed into his apartment. He closed the door and locked it, sliding down the door to the floor, feeling his heart beating ever so fast and he did not know what he was going to do. He just sighed and his hand clasped his chest for several seconds before he hoisted himself up from the ground. _"Great…"_ He bit his lip lightly and headed to the kitchen so he could put the things away. _"Great... Another night and no dinner..."_ He didn't feel like he was hungry anymore and he just was not in the mood for food, even though he was starving not too long ago.

Kakashi arrived at his apartment. He unlocked the door, walked in, slipped out of his shoes and walked to the kitchen with his bag of groceries. He put the things where they belonged. Toilet paper in the bathroom, meat and vegetables in the fridge and soap in the cupboards. He sat down on a chair in the kitchen and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "What do I do?" He sighed and clenched his fists, slamming them into the table.

"Why did he have to be there at the same time as me? Why?!" He asked frustrated and got up, shoving the chair back and walked to the bathroom. He turned on the water, undressed and went in the shower, resting his arm against the wall and his head against his arm, letting the water shower down on him.

He could not take his thoughts off of Iruka. For a moment while they spoke at the store, Iruka seemed like he was hurt and Kakashi knew just why, or he assumed why. It was because of him. He was almost sure of that. "I'm just an idiot..." He said, scolding himself and began to rethink why he even began to ignore Iruka in the first place. "... That's right. He makes my heart pound and feel funny. It's not right... Is it?"

Iruka decided it would be best if he went to train a little bit, even though he just got back from a long hard mission he wanted to go out again. He felt like he was suffocating in his own home. He rushed out of his apartment and locked the door before he headed to the training field. _"W-why?..."_ He made it to the training field and got his kunai out, throwing it at random trees in hope of distracting himself.

He sighed and occasionally punched the tree in hope of venting out his pain, sorrow and sadness, but it did not work. He simply just slid down to the ground, being too tired to actually do anything now. He actually felt rather tired and he yawned. He did not want to go home but he knew he could not sleep on the training field, though he decided to lay down on the ground just to close his eyes for several seconds, not too long. Though he yawned ever so lightly and he felt rather tired all of a sudden. He loosened his hair a little bit and felt his eyes close. He struggled to keep them open. _"I can just lie down for several minutes…" _He thought to himself and closed his eyes, but eventually fell asleep.

Kakashi decided to finish off his shower. He turned off the water, stepped out and grabbed a towel, drying off his body. He looked at himself in the mirror as he dried his hair, which was lying down at the moment because of the water, but the moment he dried it with the towel, it stood on all ends, defying gravity yet again. "Hm..." He uttered and wrapped the towel around his waist as he left the bathroom as walked to the bedroom. Entering the room, he dropped the towel and put on a pair of boxers before sitting down on the bed, sighing heavily.

_"What do I do?"_ He thought as he laid down on the bed and pulled the blanket over him. He was not even in the mood to read in his book. His stomach growled, but he wasn't hungry either. "I'm sorry..." He mumbled as he closed his eyes and fell asleep rather quickly.


	2. Chapter 2: I can't do this!

**Chapter 2: I can't do this!**

Iruka was still sleeping the following morning. For some reason the cold harsh ground was much more comfortable then his bed for him right now. He however was shaking and it was rather cold, but he managed to not wake up at all due to his deep sleep. He was shivering the entire time and he was not waking up anytime soon. His nightmare was just ruining everything he enjoys about sleep.

The nightmare consisted of one thing. Death. He was dying right in front of his eyes, the eyes of the person he never want to seem weak to. The only person he ever wanted to impress all the time, but he feels like he usually just ends up ruining it or just ends up getting too shy to talk to, because he does not know what to say to all.

Kakashi woke up as the sun shone through his window. He groaned and moved his arm over his eyes. "I forgot to draw the curtains..." He mumbled to himself and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He had not gotten much sleep, or a nice night of sleep at that matter. Too many things had gone through his mind before he went to bed, causing him to have nightmares.

He got up from the bed and got dressed in his usual jonin outfit, deciding to do some training before eating some breakfast. He left his apartment right after he got dressed and headed for the training field, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he walked. He looked up at the sky, taking in a deep breath of the morning breeze. "It's a beautiful morning though." He said quietly.

He soon made it to the training field and went to the target practice area, but he saw something from the corner of his right eye that made him stop in his tracks. He looked to the side and saw the younger chunin lying on the ground. _"What is he doing here?"_ He thought to himself. Much to his annoyance, he found himself walking over to Iruka, stopped up as he reached him and looked down at him. _"Is he asleep?"_ He thought and squatted down, placing a hand on Iruka's shoulder.

The moment he touched him a shivering feeling shot through Kakashi's entire body. He wanted to remove his hand, but he could not, so he shook him. "Iruka... Wake up." He said, making Iruka's bangs fall in his face. _"H-how can he look so cute?-... What am I thinking?!"_ He thought to himself.

Iruka felt a soft touch on his shoulder and his terrible, violent nightmare seemed to fade away and the dream world he was in vanished. He slowly opened his eyes and noticed Kakashi so close to him. "K-Kakashi…" He mumbled lightly, not realizing what was going on at the moment.

"Iruka, what are you doing out here at this time? And more specifically, what are you doing on the ground?" Kakashi asked and removed his hand from Iruka's shoulder. "Have you been sleeping out here?" He asked, though his voice sounded more concerned than he wanted it to.

Iruka was rather shocked that he was bombarded with questions of concern from Kakashi. "I came here last night. I was training for a while before I got tired and I ended up sleeping on the ground for the night." He chuckled trying to stay casual. "I thought I would only sleep for a few minutes but never mind that."

Kakashi sighed and rubbed his forehead. "You shouldn't lie down outside in the open if you feel tired. Everyone knows that you end up falling asleep if you lie down and you're tired." He said and looked at Iruka. For some reason, Iruka's loose morning hair made Kakashi's heart beat faster in his chest.

Iruka nodded lightly in agreement. "Yes I know, but I was just too lazy to go back to my apartment." He said and tied his hair back up like it usually is. He just felt really strange because he never really expected Kakashi to be talking to him with such… Concern. Really, but he did not mind it because it made him actually feel important.

Kakashi nodded and looked at Iruka, accidentally locking eyes with him. "Are you-... Are you okay? I mean, it's pretty cold outside at night. Did you catch a cold?" He asked, trying to look away from Iruka's eyes, but he could not do it.

Iruka looked towards the ground, the grass, his legs, anything, just trying to avoid Kakashi's strong and somewhat intimidating gaze. "Erm… Yeah I think I'm alright." He mumbled lightly but his body was not on his side. The second he said that he was alright, he coughed lightly.

A wave of concern and worry shot through Kakashi's body the second Iruka coughed. He sighed, stood up and much to his own surprise he picked up Iruka from the ground, looking at him. "You did catch a cold. I'll take you home." He said and carried Iruka bridal style to his home.

Iruka was very shocked and he uttered a light mix of a gasp and a squeak as Kakashi picked him up. "H-Hey! You don't have to pick me up you know! I-I can walk!" He said feeling so awkward. His cheeks turned slightly pink and he coughed again. _"Why is Kakashi doing this?..."_ Iruka was so nervous and he felt awkward with Kakashi.

"You should rest. You're sick." Kakashi said, not looking at Iruka as he spoke. He was wondering himself why he was carrying Iruka like this and why he was showing his concern this much to Iruka. _"I'm not even supposed to show this kind of concern towards him... I'm not supposed to be carrying him..."_ He thought to himself.

Iruka sighed lightly and frowned. "I can still rest by walking myself you know... There is no need for you to carry me." He said feeling his chest aching slightly and his heart was beating really fast. _"Why does he do this to me? Every single time he looks at me... It happens… Again... And again…"_ He looked down as he thought to himself about certain things.

Kakashi sighed and ignored Iruka's indirect request of walking on his own. He soon made it to Iruka's apartment and put him down in front of the door. He looked down at Iruka as he was just a few centimeters taller than Iruka. "Go rest."

Iruka got nervous and he looked up at Kakashi. It was rather intimidating being smaller than him. "Well alright then..." He sighed and nodded ever so lightly. He was not sure if he locked the door last night or not, but he ended up opening it accidently and he got surprised and afraid because he felt like he was going to fall.

Kakashi looked at Iruka. He got an urge to just hold him, hold him close to his chest and not letting go. He tried to resist the urge, but his arms were almost moving on their own. "Iruka, I-..." He was cut off midsentence as he took a step forward, but ended up tripping over one of the boards on the floor that was sticking up. He closed his uncovered eye and fell into Iruka, making both of them fall and landed on the floor inside Iruka's apartment. He opened his eye again and thanked himself for wearing his mask as a pink blush painted his cheeks, seeing how close his face was to Iruka's.

Iruka gasped lightly as they ended up falling onto the floor. He was never expecting that at all. In fact, he was rather shocked and somewhat slightly worried for some reason. He gulped lightly and his cheeks turned slightly pink. "K-Kakashi…" He mumbled lightly, not knowing what to say and his heart was beating really fast, too fast.

Kakashi looked into Iruka's eyes, feeling his heart pounding faster and faster in his chest. He felt drawn closer to the younger male underneath him, having an urge to kiss him. "Iruka..." He mumbled and moved his head closer to Iruka. "I-..." He stopped himself before their lips would touch, leaning his forehead against Iruka's. "I'm sorry..." He said and got up from the floor rather quickly and ran out of Iruka's apartment, running down the street and jumped up on the roof of a building. He sat down and buried his face in his palms. _"I-... I was about to kiss him. A man..."_

Iruka was so shocked by the turn out of events. He could hardly move. He was paralyzed at the spot where he was laying. _"No... You can't let something like that break you…"_ Iruka slowly got up and closed his door. His hand left the door handle and clenched his chest in desperation of trying to soothe his heart. _"You have done it Kakashi Hatake… You have broken me..."_

He sighed and rested his head against hand. _"How could I do this?"_ He questioned himself, feeling his heart racing more than ever before. _"How could I possibly have fallen in love with... Kakashi Hatake? The most popular person in this village…"_ Iruka sighed again and coughed due to catching a cold. No way could he take care of himself and he would not be able to care for himself, feeling like this.

Kakashi ran a hand through his gravity defying hair and sighed. _"What is happening to me? I was about to kiss Iruka, a man..."_ His heart pounded fast in his chest. It felt like it was about to burst through his chest with the speed it was pounding. _"Have I-... Have I fallen in love with Iruka?"_ He asked himself in thought and clenched his fists, slamming them against the roof. What was going to happen now? What was he going to do? He could not help but feel worry and concern towards Iruka, knowing that he was sick and needed to be taken care of, but he could not go back to Iruka now. Not after he was about to kiss him. He felt like he was beating himself senseless with these thoughts of what to do and what not to do.

Iruka coughed and ended up just laying there on the floor, because he did not want to take care of himself. So many thoughts ran through his head. _"Why is he so blind?... Why did he do this to me?..."_ He questioned himself and sneezed. _"The worst part is… I fell for it…"_ His heart ached as he thought of ways or things that he could do to not think of Kakashi, but no matter what he thought of that masked ninja managed to make his way into Iruka's mind and he was so scared. He groaned lightly to himself. He hated himself so much for this but he could not really help it. Hating himself was not going to help, considering he is now more ill than he was before.

He coughed and groaned lightly as he tried to blink away any tears that formed in his eyes. Iruka curled up into a ball for self comfort really. That's what he needed... Comfort. He stayed by himself his whole life and nothing will change. That is what he thought anyways. He had given up all hope now and he never wanted anyone. Though, he gulped lightly to himself as he suddenly felt extremely ill to the point where he thought he would pass out any second now.

_"Who would care if I passed out anyways?" _He questioned himself and his self worth. He is a great ninja but when he is near Kakashi he feels like nothing.

Kakashi got up from the roof and jumped down, walking around with no destination in mind. He felt his heart ache as he thought of Iruka being sick and with no one there to take care of him. He had the biggest urge to just run back to Iruka, hold him and take care of him. But he could not do that. It is not right for a man to love another man... Right? He bit his lip and did his very best to ignore any thought or feeling about Iruka as he made his way to Tsunade's office. He needed to get away. Away from the village and his feelings. He needed a mission. If he stayed in Konoha now, he would go crazy and lose his mind.

Kakashi had gotten a mission from Tsunade. A long one. He would be gone for at least a month, maybe longer. He was going to help out with the security in a small village that was hit by rouge ninjas a lot. The village was near Kumogakure. He hurried home to his apartment, packed the things he needed for the mission and left his apartment, heading for the main gate to the village.

Kakashi soon arrived and as he walked out of the village he took a quick glance back at the main gate. He sighed and looked ahead at the path he was walking, already regretting leaving, but he had to. Two men cannot be together. It is not right.


	3. Chapter 3: I'm sorry!

**Chapter 3: I'm sorry!**

Almost two months had passed. It was a month and three weeks to be exact, and Kakashi finally made it back to the village. The mission took a little longer than expected as the situation was worse than he was told when he got the mission. But he is back now and he feels like a new stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked through the streets of the village, heading for the mission room to hand in his report from his mission. He had written the report last night before he went to bed. That way he did not had to make it when he got home. He could just relax then.

Iruka was in the mission room looking over many things. He was looking at missions to give to teams and sorting out which missions are hard and how hard they are into different slots. When Kakashi had suddenly disappeared for two months he honestly locked himself in his little apartment for quite a while, but soon realized it was probably for the best if he got over any feelings he had, because if he continued on like this he would be nothing but hurt no matter how much he tried to imagine it differently.

He simply had chosen to forget about his feelings that were so prominent yet so painful for him.

Kakashi made it to the mission room and walked inside. He stopped in his tracks for a few seconds when he saw Iruka was one of the people who sat behind the mission table, giving missions and receiving reports. He felt a weird and awkward tension, but he quickly shook it off and walked over to the table, standing in front of Iruka. "I'm here to turn in my report from my mission." He said and held out the scroll.

Iruka was doing his work as usual and he noticed the door opening but did not really pay attention to the person that walked inside the room. He nodded lightly hearing a voice but did not really respond or acknowledge the fact that Kakashi actually even said anything. "Okay." He said simply with no proper emotion and took the scroll without saying or doing anything really.

Kakashi blinked slightly confused at Iruka's cold character. He did not hurt Iruka or said anything mean to him, so why was he being so cold to him? He did not understand it.

"So... I hope you didn't get too sick that day. You know, when I took you home from the training field after you slept there." Kakashi said and rubbed the back of his head.

Iruka nodded lightly at what Kakashi said, in fact he did get too ill to the point he had to go to the hospital for a little while to make himself feel better, because he refused to take care of himself. "Yeah. I'm fine now." He said and moved some scrolls around as to continue his work. "Is there anything else you need?" He asked not lifting his gaze from the scrolls.

Kakashi could not help it but feel rather rejected from the friendly conversation he was trying to have with Iruka. "Uhm, no. I just came to turn in my mission report." He said and looked at Iruka with a slightly raised eyebrow.

Iruka nodded lightly and put some other scrolls away. "Alright. I'm just going to continue my work if that's it." He said and continued sorting things out as if Kakashi was no longer in the room or if Kakashi just never entered the room.

"... See you around." Kakashi said and left the room, walked down the halls and left the building. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked and thought about how Iruka had just acted towards him. _"Why did he act like that? Iruka has never been so cold towards me before, or anyone else for that matter..."_ He thought to himself and sighed. What happened to Iruka?

".. See you…" Iruka said emotionlessly, not having a care for the world as Kakashi walked out of the room. A sigh came out of him as he paused his work for just a second to absorb everything that had just taken place. He actually did it even though he never though he could, but he simply ignored his thoughts as he shook his head and continued to do some work.

Kakashi sighed and looked up at the sky as he walked. _"Could it be because that I went on that mission after the incident at Iruka's apartment? Is that why Iruka is acting so cold?" _Kakashi asked himself in thought as he kept wondering why the chunin was ignoring him. He could not quite figure out why, but he was determined to find out why and how he could make it up to Iruka. He had to keep his distance to him, but he could not take it if Iruka hated him.

He sighed and cursed at himself mentally, though he did not know why he did so. Or at least he was not completely sure why. He walked down one of the storeping streets and thought if he should buy something for Iruka as an apology, or if he should just go straight to him an apologize. "An apology would probably be more appropriate than a gift." He mumbled to himself.

Iruka finished sorting out scrolls and sighed lightly. He was a bit annoyed for some reason and he tried to calm his nerves down by pinching the bridge of his nose, but everything he did to calm himself down only worked for several seconds before he began to think of what happened when he got ill.

_"I needed someone… But you left…"_ He thought to himself with a slight frown on his usual happy face.

Iruka sighed as his shift ended. He got up from his seat behind his desk, leaving it for the next person to take over and left the mission room. Honestly he did not want to take time off because he would rather stick his nose into scrolls and do some work, other than face the outside world at the moment. It was very unlike his normal self but he could not really help the way he was being.

He walked to the store to buy some dinner, but knowing himself he might not be eating the food that he buys. He might just toss it in the freezer and hopefully, maybe use it the next day but knowing himself he will probably only eat a little bit.

Kakashi knew that Iruka's shift in the mission room was over now, so he decided to go look for him. The question is just: 'Would Iruka be at home or out storeping for dinner?' No matter what, Kakashi was determined to find Iruka and give him an apology. He went to a few different grocery stores where he thought Iruka might be, but did not have any luck in finding him, so he tried the only store he had not tried yet, the store where they bumped into each other about two months ago. He was lucky. Iruka was at the store and he saw him enter. To make it look like he was not following Iruka, Kakashi grabbed a basket and put some vegetables in it as he walked towards Iruka.

Iruka frowned slightly as he tried to decide what on Earth to buy. He eased his frown and picked up some meat, chicken, to be more precise and he felt someone walker closer to him. _"Should I look?... It's him I know it is..."_ He thought to himself as he picked up some other things, not wanting to see Kakashi. He just pretended that he did not see Kakashi and like he was not ignoring him or anything like that.

Kakashi slowly approached Iruka and stood next to him at the meat section. "Hey." He said and glanced to the side at Iruka, picking up some beef meat for some wok he would make for himself for dinner that night.

Iruka looked towards Kakashi for half a second before he picked up some other ingredients. "Hey." He said simply as he placed random things in his basket that he most likely would not need, but just did it, because he did not want to talk to Kakashi.

"_Hey? Is that all? No smile from him?"_ Kakashi thought to himself as he got the simple 'hey' from Iruka, not followed by the usual smile. "I uhm... I have something to tell you." He said and looked at Iruka, hoping a bit that he would look at him so he could apologize properly.

Iruka eventually stopped picking random things and looked at Kakashi. "What do you want to tell me?" He asked. He usually has this expression if he is talking to someone just not that important to him. He used to have the kindest and softest smile speaking to Kakashi but now that has all changed.

Kakashi felt like an arrow shot through his heart when he saw the plain look on Iruka's face. He did not get the usual smile from him and it hurt oh so badly. "... I-... I forgot what I wanted to tell you." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. After that rejection, he did not feel like talking to Iruka, or anyone else for that matter.

Iruka slightly raised his eyebrow. Nowadays the only expression he has is his pained eyes filled with somewhat sadness and the feeling of missing something. "Oh well… Erm..." He was hoping Kakashi would have at least said something but never mind that. "Tell me if you remember, I have to go... I'm busy." He said and tried walking away.

Kakashi nodded and looked at the groceries he got in his basket. "Sure. I guess I'll have to tell you some other time when I remember." He said and looked back at Iruka. He was so tempted to just reach out and grab his hand, but he did not do it.

Iruka bit his lip lightly as he proceeded to go and pay for his things that he did not even need and felt like an idiot for putting it in his basket, because now he was paying for stupid things. _"Great... He doesn't even care does he?"_ He questioned himself as he paid. He grabbed his bag and quickly headed out of the store, hoping that he would not bump into anyone he knew. He sighed as he practically rushed, but stopped about several minutes later feeling that he was being too paranoid at the moment.

Iruka wanted to sort himself out and as soon as possible, because he felt quite weak again. He walked inside his apartment and sighed lightly as he dumped all the not really needed things onto the counter in the kitchen as he made his way to the bathroom. He always does this if he needs to think, he takes a bath.

Kakashi clenched his fist and cursed at himself mentally. _"I'm an idiot! I didn't even tell him you were sorry! All because I felt rejected from his cold character!"_ He kept cursing and scolding himself as he walked towards the checkout, grabbed his bag with groceries and left the store in a hurry. He wanted to go home and just stay there for the rest of the day, thinking over some things and relax from his mission, but most importantly to take a shower.

Kakashi arrived at his apartment, unlocked the door and walked inside. He quickly put the groceries in the fridge and walked to the living room, dropping down on the couch and sighed. "Iruka..." He mumbled very low, even though no one other than himself could hear it.

An image of a happy and smiling Iruka flashed through his mind over and over, making his heart start pounding faster in his chest. "No... Not again! I went on the mission to forget about those feelings! Why-... Why can't I get rid of them?!" He asked himself out loud and grabbed a pillow, burying his face in it. "I can't take this!" Kakashi shouted and practically flew up from the couch, pacing back and forth. "He's a man! I can't think of another man this way!... It's just not right!" He said, having a conversation with himself.

"I need to clear my mind." He mumbled and walked to the bathroom. He ran the water, undressed from his dirty jonin clothes and went into the shower, letting the water shower down on him, washing off any dirt from the mission and hopefully washing away the thoughts of Iruka and the feelings he had for him.

Iruka sighed and let the bubbles, steam and water just surround him once he had gotten into the tub. He sighed and relaxed in the water. _"Why does he have to be like this?..."_ He loosened his hair from the ponytail and tried to clear his thoughts of Kakashi, but no matter how much he tried or what he thought of he always ended up thinking of that man. _"I can't feel like this again. Not after it hurt so much the first time…"_ He thought and splashed some warm water onto his face as he bit his lip lightly.

He glared at the reflection in the water, his own reflection of course. "..." He did not say or think anything. All he could do was practically to glare at himself in disgust for feeling and being so weak at the moment. He could not believe he was being this way and it really upset him in some sense.

"Why did this have to happen?... What did I do wrong to deserve this?" He questioned himself by voicing his questions. He thought voicing his worries might help but it was no help at all.

Iruka sighed and decided that he should get out of the bath before he ended up drowning in there, because he fell asleep or just did not bother breathing. He slowly got out and emptied the tub of the water. "Great..." He mumbled lightly feeling a cold wind slapping his back rather harshly, causing him to shiver uncontrollably. He quickly grabbed a fresh towel of the rack to dry himself as soon as possible. After doing so he put some fresh clothes on and walked out of the bathroom, just thinking of the entire day and how much it had failed to make him smile. _"Nothing new really…"_

Kakashi leaned against the wall in the shower, still having the water pour down on him. He sighed heavily, closed his eyes and leaned his head back, letting the water hit his face. _"What do I do?"_ He asked himself in mind, not wanting to get water into his mouth. The image of the smiling Iruka flashed through his mind, though this time he spoke as well. _"Kakashi."_ He heard Iruka say in his mind with his soft and gentle voice. He clenched his fists and slammed them into the wall as his heart pounded faster again. "Screw this! I'm going there!"


	4. Chapter 4: I love you Forgive me

**Chapter 4: I love you. Forgive me**

Kakashi turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbed a towel and began to dry off. He wrapped the towel around his waist as he walked to the bedroom to get dressed in some fresh clothes. Dropping the towel on the floor, Kakashi put on some boxers and his jonin attire, though not the flat jacket. He walked to the front door, put on his shoes and left his apartment in a hurry, heading for Iruka's apartment.

Kakashi was practically running towards Iruka's apartment. He had no second to spare. He had to get there as fast as he could. When he got near big crowds of people he would jump up on roofs instead of pushing his way through.

He finally made it to Iruka's apartment and stood in front of the door, hesitating to knock as he panted a bit. He was not panting from running, but a lot of thoughts went through his mind when he ran. He stood straight and knocked on the door, hoping that Iruka would open it.

Iruka was deep into his thoughts and his chest began to feel really heavy when he was thinking about what could possibly happen and all he imagined ended wrong or he ended up getting hurt in one way or another. He eventually snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a knock on the door. "Coming!" He said and walked to the door, opening it. Much to his surprise it was Kakashi. He was shocked. "K-Kakashi?... What are you doing here?" He asked.

Kakashi looked at Iruka as he opened the door, thanking god that he actually opened it. "Iruka..." He said and stepped inside and closed the door. "I remembered what I wanted to tell you at the store." He said, looking at the younger man in front of him.

Iruka nodded lightly. "Ah, erm… That's good I suppose. It's bad if you forget things really quickly Kakashi." He said trying to act normal, but he felt really awkward, so he looked down a little bit trying to avoid eye contact.

Kakashi nodded and sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I know... But, I'm here to apologize to you." He said, a little frustrated that Iruka would not even look at him, but he actually did not expect that he would, considering how he had been acting towards him today.

Iruka froze for a second and bit his lip lightly. "A-Apologize?... For what?" He asked and kept looking down feeling his chest getting heavier and heavier by the second. He could not help but occasionally glance at Kakashi.

"For what I did the last time I was here." Kakashi said and clenched his fists a bit in his pockets. "I shouldn't just have left like that." He said and looked at Iruka, hoping he would look at him.

"O-Oh..." That's all Iruka could muster out of himself as he looked at Kakashi for just one second before he quickly looked away knowing that if he looked too long it would hurt. "I-Its... O-okay…"

Kakashi shook his head and sighed. "It's not. I should at least have said I would be gone for some time. It's clear that I have hurt you in some way." He said and pulled his hand out of his pocket, rubbing the back of his neck.

Iruka did not know why, but he felt anger bubbling up inside of him and he wanted to just let it out. "Like I said, it's fine." He said a bit strongly this time, but if Kakashi pushed it even further he knew he would not be able to handle it and he would end up flowing with anger.

"Iruka, how is it fine? Obviously it hurt you that I just left the village without a word. I don't even know why it hurt you that much." Kakashi said and watched Iruka, stuffing his hand back in his pocket.

Iruka could not handle it and his face turned red. Not due to just getting flustered but anger as well. "Yes of course you don't get why it upset me! You would never understand now would you!?" He yelled. "You will never understand what I felt when you just left the village without a word and came back as if it was nothing!"

Kakashi blinked and was taken aback by Iruka's sudden outburst of anger. "Then explain it to me. Make me understand why." He said and pulled both of his hands out of his pockets, folding his arms over his chest.

Iruka felt slightly intimidated by the way Kakashi said that. "D-don't say it like that! It's really intimidating!" He said and frowned. "I felt like I was abandoned and that no one really cared! The second you left the village my suspicion was confirmed, you don't care! I tried my hardest to do anything to impress you, but clearly you always found a way to correct me! Could you not see that I have feelings and I was just trying to make you proud with anything I did!? Could you not SEE THAT I HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU?!" He yelled and his hand shot to his mouth and he felt horrible admitting that. He felt like an idiot.

Kakashi's eyes widened. Hearing Iruka yell his feelings right into his face made Kakashi feel like that ten kunais were stabbed into his heart and ripped it our his chest. He felt upset, but with himself that he did not follow his gut feeling and stayed with Iruka that day. "Iruka..." His arms dropped down his sides as Iruka's last words rung through his mind. _"Could you not SEE THAT I HAD FEELING FOR YOU?!"_

He grabbed Iruka's wrists and pressed him against the wall, holding his hands above his head and looked at him. "I'm sorry..."

Iruka panted after the release of anger that he never expected to happen. He never expected himself to do that so why did he? He was so nervous all of a sudden and he did not know what to say now. "K-Kakashi..." He whispered lightly as Kakashi had softly said his name. He squirmed lightly as Kakashi pinned his hands above his head. "D-don't do this." He said tearing up, his tears just down his cheeks viciously.

Kakashi looked at Iruka, seeing the tears that went down his cheeks. He let go of Iruka's hands with one hand, but used his other hand to keep Iruka's hands above his head. He wiped Iruka's tears, stroking his cheek in the process. "I was running away from my feelings, because I believed it wasn't right to love another man, but when I saw you again at the mission room today, I was lost, more than I was before. Seeing you hurt like this made me sad, but knowing it was because of me, killed me deep inside." He said and looked into Iruka's eyes. "I love you." He said and pressed his cloth covered lips against Iruka's, kissing him softly.

Iruka sniffed lightly as Kakashi wiped his tears away, just his touch alone made the younger man's heart beat faster than normal and his heart was just flipping, because he never thought of being this close to Kakashi before. "I-" Before he could say anything Kakashi had kissed him and Iruka's cheeks went pink as it took him barely a second to close his eyes and kissed back softly.

Kakashi slowly pulled from the kiss and rested his forehead against Iruka's forehead, letting go of his hands. His heart was pounding fast and hard in his chest after kissing Iruka, though he was wearing his mask. He looked into Iruka's eyes and cupped his cheek, caressing it with his thumb. "I'm sorry Iruka."

Iruka panted lightly and his hands returned back to his sides. He felt his heart pounding away in his chest, because of how fast it was beating at the time, but it felt so good for him. Iruka nodded lightly as he tried not to cry anymore."I-It's o-okay Kakashi." He said softly and his feelings were really strong now.

Kakashi pulled Iruka away from the wall, holding him close to him and tight in his embrace. This felt so right and so good to Kakashi. He did not feel like ever letting go of Iruka. "I love you." He whispered in Iruka's ear.

Iruka snuggled close to Kakashi feeling his body being filled with warmth that he had always dreamt of having, except this was so much better than anything he could dream of. "I-I love you too." He whispered softly and blushed lightly.

Kakashi smiled behind his mask and looked at Iruka. "Can you forgive me for the way I treated you? And for just leaving like that?" He asked and rubbed Iruka's back gently.

Iruka nodded and smiled shyly. He felt so shy all of a sudden, because he was with Kakashi and he was not really angry with him anymore. "I-I forgive you... Because I love you." He whispered and rested his head on Kakashi's chest.

Kakashi kissed the top of Iruka's head. "I've missed seeing your smile, Iruka." He said as he placed a finger under Iruka's chin and lifted his head a bit, pecking his lips through his mask.

Iruka blushed and kept smiling. "R-Really?" He never really thought much of his smile and to know that Kakashi actually thought that his smile was actually a bit nice made his heart flutter and he blushed receiving a peck on the lips from Kakashi, the man of his dreams.

Kakashi nodded and moved his thumb over Iruka's lips. "Really. Your smile makes me smile. It makes me happy." He said and looked into Iruka's eyes, smiling behind his mask.

Iruka blushed a bit deeper. No one had ever complimented him this much so quickly. "T-thank you... I'm glad that I can make you happy." He whispered lightly and looked into Kakashi's eyes with a loving gaze.

Kakashi chuckled lightly and kissed Iruka's forehead through his mask. "You're welcome, Iruka. Let me make it up to you again." He said and started to think of how he could make it up to Iruka that he hurt him. He cannot cook, so making a good or a romantic meal for him was out of the question.

Iruka kept blushing, his cheeks were adorably pink. "If you want to." He said softly. He loved the whole idea of Kakashi wanting to make things better and that he wanted to make it up to him.

Kakashi nodded. "I do." He said and kept thinking of what to do to make it up to Iruka. He sweat dropped and looked at Iruka with a sheepish smile behind his mask. "I have no idea what to do. I was thinking of making you dinner, but I can't cook. Is there anything you would like me to do?"

Iruka chuckled lightly at the fact that Kakashi could not really think of anything. "Well... You don't really have to do anything Kakashi but if you insist..." He began to think himself of what they could do. "Well, it would be nice if we could go on a romantic walk or something." He said with a deep blush. "Oh and promise me… That you will never leave me like you did before." He said and looked down.

Kakashi nodded and wrapped his arms around Iruka's waist, holding him close. "I can manage." He said and rubbed Iruka's back with one hand, while the other lifted Iruka's chin to make him look at him. "And I promise that I'll never leave on a mission without telling you first." He said and stroke Iruka's cheek.

Iruka moved closer to Kakashi, as close as he could get and he felt so secure being close to a source of warmth and love. "Thank you." He whispered lightly as he held onto Kakashi with a light smile on his face, not wanting to really let go, because he was enjoying this moment and he was not going to let it go to waste.


End file.
